He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Randomize
