I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize