so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
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