My hand turned me down
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
