Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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