i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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