Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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