but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
i just had sex bonerless
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize
