It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
