omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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