he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
