Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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