I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
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