WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
