The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Randomize
