Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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