If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
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