Well douche your snatch and let's go!
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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