Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Randomize
