It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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