We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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