u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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