I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
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