I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
