She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
