no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Thank you for not boning my boss.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
