it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
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