Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
you inspire me to be a worse person
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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