I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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