I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize