dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
