I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
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