hell yes lets make some ravioli
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
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