I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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