I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
