ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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