dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
