Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
