i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
