I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize