Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Randomize
