I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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