he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
