I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Randomize