Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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