I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
COCAINE IS GR8
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
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