Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
