we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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