After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
she pinky promised me she was 18
I miss vodka workout Fridays
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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