Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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