I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
