We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
