If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
