update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
last night I used snow as a chaser
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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