Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
