her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
