He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
