honey bunches of taint.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Randomize
