Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Randomize
