the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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