Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Randomize
