i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
