sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
