Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Randomize
