How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
